Did I make the right decision? What will happen? Where will we go? What will we do? Have I taught my children well? Am I good mother? Have I been supportive enough? Is this what I want? Why did I say that? Why did I do that? I should have said this. I should have done that. Why can’t I sleep?
The monkey is not on back; it’s in my brain. Incessant, pointless chatter. Trying to control the future, relive the past, completely detached from the present. The opposite of calm still, peaceful acceptance.
Quieting the creature is easy, -er said than done. …but it is easy. If only I could remember how.
Sitting quietly, doing nothing, the Spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. Breathe. Sitting quietly doing nothing, the Spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. Breathe.
It can be done, it must be done. Spinning closely, dangerously out of control. My body can only take the monkey for so long. Muscles knot up, energy shuts down, light turns muddy.
Lam, Vam, Ram, Yam, Ham, Om. Om mani padme hum.
I wish I had a banana.
S. Conde
Image from Tibetan Tents. Love.
Taaaaeeeeket eeesseeeeee. Sometimes I need to look around at others and count my blessings that my monkey is not like theirs. Makes me think of a movie where a little old lady compared life to carnival rides, she liked the roller coaster over the merry go round because it was thrilling while the other just went round and round.
“Your grandmother is a genius.” I love you.
Just found your blog. Just a quick ‘thank you’ for writing it.
A wholehearted thank you, for reading it. Genuinely, thank you.